Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts

1 June 2016

Joke: How did you kill 50 people ?

Conversation between a man who was caught by the police in an accident case: 

The police man:How did you kill 50 people ?
Man : I was driving my Car at 40 mph, but when I tried to stop I found that I have no breaks, I saw 2 men walking in the street and a wedding going on at the other side of the street, Who should I hit ?
The police man: Of course the 2 men, because less damage.
Man : That's what I thought to myself, but when I did it, I hit only one and the other man ran to the wedding, So I Went After him.

26 May 2016

Difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'

This is Especially for English Language Lovers..
Can any one tell the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.'
However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner.
His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
His response was: When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished.' And , when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation

21 December 2015

HR Manager Love letter

HR Manager wrote a love letter to his girlfriend!!
Ever wondered how a HR manager could write a love letter .
Dear Prema,
Sub: Offer of Love!
I am very happy to Inform you that I have fallen In love with you since the 22nd of Feb (Friday) with reference to the meeting held between us on the 14th of Feb (Thursday) at 15:00hrs,
I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending upon compatibility, it would be made permanent.
Upon completion of the probation, there will be a continuous on-the-job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses Incurred for coffee and entertainment would be initially shared equally between us.
Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However, I am broadminded enough to take care of your expenses account.
Request you to kindly respond within 7 days of receiving this letter, Failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be
considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best.
Thanking you In anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Prem

1 April 2015

Story of Mad, Brain, Fool, Somebody & Nobody.

5 friends lived in a room, namely Mad, Brain, Fool, Somebody & Nobody.
One day, Somebody killed Nobody.
 At That time Brain was in bath room. 
Mad called Police.
Mad : Sir Is it Police Station ?
Police : Yes, what is the matter ?
Mad : Somebody killed Nobody.
Police : Are you Mad?
Mad : yes, I am Mad.
Police : Don't you have Brain?
Mad : Brain is in bathroom.
Police : You Fool !
Mad : No……My Fool friend is reading This message very seriously.
Happy April Fool's Day!!!

12 March 2015

How to start BUSINESS

Here is a small lesson for how business works
Father: I want you to Marry a Girl of my Choice.
Son: No dad
Father: The Girl is Bill Gates' Daughter.
Son: oh Then ok
Father goes to Bill Gates

Father: I want your Daughter 2 marry my Son.
Bill Gates: No man
Father: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then ok man
Now Father goes 2 the President of the World Bank..

Father: Appoint my Son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Father: He is the Son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then ok!
This is called BUSINESS

5 March 2015

New Trains

Just For Fun

New trains have been announced today in the name of celebrities
Modi Express: Will not run, will whistle sharply every now and then.
Bappi Lahiri Express: Pull chain, another chain will be seen behind it
Ekta Kapoor Express: will come three times on the same platform in slow motion
Amir Khan Express: Will run once in a year and pick the passengers as per its choice
Salman Khan Express: Can run on footpath
Manmohan Express: one and only silent train
MS Dhoni Express: 95% journey @ 10km/hr and remaining 5% @ 400km/hr
Rahul Gandhi Express: Will get derailed repeatedly
Congress Express: An experienced driver in each coach, driver Of engine on leave
Amit Shah Express: Covers the whole country except Delhi
A Kejriwal Express: Sure to start but no guarantee it will reach destination...could stop midway if driver decides to abandon train
Y S Jagan Express : The only train that will travel in the opposite direction, the driver will welcome each passenger with a Kiss
And finally, Indian Railways Ka Shaan
Rajnikant Express: Train will remain static at one place and stations will come and go

1 March 2015

Best Suspense Joke

This is one of best suspense jokes
A Father put his Three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, 

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."


The father asked, 'Why did you say good bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. 
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, 
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
 "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. 
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, 
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting 

27 February 2015

Beautiful Tips For Happy Life

25 Beautiful Tips of Life
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, SMILE.  It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2. Sit in the silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose today.
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.
6. Try to make at least 3  people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.  Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything !
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12.You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Help the needy, Be generous ! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. Time heals everything.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful for what you have accomplished, today !
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25.Forward this to everyone on your list to help them lead a Happier Life

16 February 2015

What is love and explain in details ?

Question :-What is love and explain in details ? ( 20 marks)

Arts Student.
Answer: Love is life.
(marks : 5 out of 20 )

Law Student
Answer : Love is pain.
( marks : 5 out of 20 )

Medical Student
Answer : Love is god
( marks : 5 out of 20 )

Engg Student
Answer :

Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated...

Types:
1 sided & 2 sided

Age:
Usually occurs in teenagers but now a days can be found in any age

Symptoms:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction

DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile

TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or Mother's Sandal
(marks 20 out of 20 )

Excellent !!
______________________
NOTE :- Engineers can stretch any thing for 20 marks!!
Are u agree/not??

9 February 2015

Girl Friend Dream

Just for Fun

Girlfriend : "Last night I had a dream of you."

Boyfriend (got excited): - "Maine kya kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke"

Girlfriend replied : "We were traveling in bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river.

Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone."

Boyfriend (with love): "I was searching for you, na?

Girlfriend said: NO, You were shouting
"Arrey, conductor kidhar gaya, 2 rupaye lene the"

7 February 2015

Some times the Answer is Different for same Question

Diff. Between CA and B.Com exam answer 
Question: How many balls are there in an over?
B.Com:
Answer: 6
Full Marks
If this were a CA exam question
The answer would be WRONG and the examiner’s comment in the suggested answers would be
“Most of the students answered the questions. However, students have not understood the questions correctly. Answer points to a lack of in-depth understanding and conceptual clarity on the subject. Correct answer is 1 ball which is delivered 6 times, if the umpire(as defined under bye law 19 of Rule 2) did not declare any no ball in all those deliveries.
In case the umpire, as defined above, declares a No Ball as defined in the Byelaws 24 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords), then there will be an additional ball delivered, using the same ball, for every no ball declared by the umpire.
Note that such additional balls will not be counted towards the number of balls”.
Similarly for a wide ball under Bye law 25 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords) an additional ball will be delivered for every wide ball declared by the umpire.
Thus keeping in view the Rules 19, 24 25 of the Laws of Cricket(Lords) the answer is 1 ball.
However, if the ball used for the said deliveries suffers or undergoes such transformation or such other changes which, the umpire, on an appeal being made by the bowler, deems unfit for use, the ball may be changed/replaced with another one. Only in such a case, will there be use of multiple balls in an over.
(The student may assume that the batsmen did not hit a sixer, thereby forcing the ball to go out of the park causing another ball to be used)''

4 February 2015

Mahabharata Characters in Corporate Life

Dronacharya: 
The Mentor. The employee who doesn't like working himself but is always ready to guide and train new joiners.
Bhishma: 
The Loyal. The employee in a relatively senior position who happily assists the boss in spite of knowing his incompetence (because of some strange oath maybe)
Dhritarashtra: 
The blind boss. He knows that everything is wrong with his project but will still let it function, without making any changes to the current processes.
Gandhari: 
The Yesmen/Women. Boss's immediate juniors who know that they are a part of an evil plan but will stay blindfolded and pretend as if nothing is happening.
Yuddhisthira: 
The ethical guy. Poor chap would never fudge time sheets and call in sick only when he is dying.
Bheema: 
The angry resource. Always ready to pick up a fight with his peers, subordinates or even the bosses.
Arjuna:
The cool dude. The star performer who also knows how to sell his skills. A natural charmer, very famous among the ladies.
Nakul & Sahdev: 
The good average resource. No one notices them. They keep doing their work and get average appraisals.
Duryodhana:
The Bully. Knows how to get work done, by hook or by crook. Doesn't mind threatening the likes of Nakul and Sahdev to get his work done.
Karna: 
The unsung hero. The best performer in the office but never claims credit for his work. Stays an unsung hero for all his life. Girls take him for a snobbish nerd.
Shakuni: 
The evil plotter. Copies management in every mail. Escalates every trivial issue, sometimes to take credits and sometimes purely for fun.
Dhristadyumna: 
The One inning wonder. The one who performs an extraordinary feat, and then basks in the glory of it for the rest of his life.
Draupadi: 
The shared resource. Keeps hopping projects on boss's advice.
Krishna: 
The Ultimate Boss (MD/CEO) who knows that it is his game while he makes everyone believe that they are playing important roles too.

Who says history never repeats itself? It does, everyday.....in the office.

PASSWORD PROBLEMS

Here is small example how users face at the time of password creation
This is just for fun
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Note: Do not use the same password for multiple important accounts.
 It's recommended to change your passwords every 3 months.